


Share and Share Alike

by CherryMilkshake



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-05
Updated: 2013-03-05
Packaged: 2017-12-04 11:08:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/710125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CherryMilkshake/pseuds/CherryMilkshake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That awkward moment when Dirk Strider really wants to read your smutfic starring him and his wannabe boyfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Share and Share Alike

**Author's Note:**

  * For [orionCipher](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orionCipher/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Feedback](https://archiveofourown.org/works/654670) by [capriciousTheosophist (orionCipher)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orionCipher/pseuds/capriciousTheosophist). 



TT: Come on, UU, spill the goods. I promise I won’t laugh.  
UU: i jUst don’t know, dirk... i'm rather ashamed of myself for writing sUch...lewd material. u_u  
TT: No, see, that’s the best part. That’s the best kind of fanfic. Hell, I hardly even get out of bed for stuff rated below M. It just ain’t worth it most of the time, unless I find a killer recommendation.  
UU: are yoU absolUtely sUre yoU won’t laUgh? or call me horrid names?   
TT: I am a much better friend than that. Even if your work is totally terrible, I promise to only laugh a little bit before giving you my critique.  
UU: oh dear...  
  
Calliope frowned, grinding her teeth. She completely regretted mentioning her fanfiction at all to Dirk. He was so persistent! She was starting to understand that he was not going to just forget about it and move on.  
  
She sighed, air hissing through her clenched fangs and nasal cavity.  
  
TT: For real though, if you absolutely can’t, I understand. But really, who better to give you advice on human shit than a human?  
UU: i am starting to sUspect yoU jUst want to read the ones aboUt yoU and jake to give yoU some fresh ideas.  
TT: Nah.  
TT: Well, only a little.  
TT: You have no idea how many plans I have, UU.   
TT: I’m practically the Prince of Plans.   
UU: heehee! that woUld be qUite a silly title, i sUspect!  
UU: and i think rather coUnterprodUctive. :u  
TT: Yeah, yeah, destroyer class, I get it. Are you going to let me see one?   
TT: Please?  
TT: What if I dragged it out and misspelled like Roxy does?  
TT: pppppllllllzzzzzz UU ur liek m bffsy 5evur   
TT: *evar  
TT: *ever  
TT: cn i read ur totes amahzing fanfic of my OTP?? :3  
UU: i am qUite certain that yoU with jake is not roxy’s otp. u_u  
TT: You’re right. Clearly you are the ship-master.  
TT: So you should show me your fanfic and teach me the proper ways of shipping.  
UU: yoU are proving insUfferable! >:u  
TT: Is it getting me closer to fanfic?  
UU: if i said no woUld yoU stop?  
TT: Probably not.   
TT: What can I say? I really want to see what romance-starved alien girls have to say about us humans and our crazy love shapes.  
UU: sigh. u-u very well, i will send you one fanfiction.  
UU: one! and that will be the end of it! >:u  
TT: DirkJake?  
UU: bUt of coUrse.   
  
Now, of course, Calliope was left with the predicament of which fic to send him. “Oh dear…” she muttered to herself, scrolling through her Dirk/Jake folder. Most of her early fics were borderline caliginous—she blamed herself for that mostly; they were written before Jake had begun recommending movies to her—so she moved to the later ones. These were much closer to her headcanons for how this potential red relationship could play out. But she doubted greatly that Dirk wanted to read her angst fics. Trying to coax a red relationship from a decidedly pale one, red turning black from frustration, feelings never expressed or understood… (Writing some of them had hit remarkably close to home for her and her own personal sorrows. Those were definitely staying private.)  
  
That left a handful of fics. To be perfectly honest, she much preferred writing about the girls. They came more easily as characters, perhaps because she herself was a girl as well, or else because she spoke with them more. But she did have a couple that could possibly work…  
  
UU: jUst to be sUre...   
UU: yoU absolUtely don’t mind that it will be, qUite frankly, obscene? u_u;  
TT: Didn’t I just get done explaining that obscene is the name of the game?   
UU: very well, bUt yoU cannot say i failed to warn yoU...  
\--uranianUmbra [UU] sent timaeusTestified [TT] file “dirkjake111.doc”!--  
TT: Hell yeah. Give me a few minutes to read, okay?  
TT: Also, wow, 111? Really?  
UU: i... have a lot of spare time... u_u  
\--timaeusTestified [TT] is now busy!--  
  
Calliope chewed on her claws, her fangs occasionally slipping down to bite into her fingers, drawing droplets of violent green. She licked them away, sliding her finger into the fork of her tongue.  
  
She didn’t know what to do with herself. This was horrible. Nerve-wracking. Her heart was pumping so fast she could swear her whole skeleton rattled with every throb.  
  
How did people do this? Just handing over their words, their thoughts, their feelings, to someone else to pore over, to judge? Despite his numerous assertions to the contrary, Calliope couldn’t help but imagine the worst. What if he stopped talking to her? Or worse, hated it so much that he convinced everyone else to stop talking to her? She would be left once again with no one but dreadful Caliborn for conversation, and, oh goodness, that thought was just unbearable.  
  
Her nervous teeth sunk into her knuckle and she yelped in pain, sucking on the wound, her blood bitter and metallic in her mouth. She imagined different blood in her mouth, candy red perhaps, human red, mutant red, a body writhing beneath her, mouth open and screaming… A troll would be amazing, she thought. She could wrap her hands around those orange-yellow horns, using them as handles as they grappled and fought for dominance. Her claws and fangs would cut them, a rainbow of colour decorating the walls and floor, not to mention her body…  
  
She hated the part of herself that longed for that kind of relationship, fraught and bloody, parties entrenched in hatred.  
  
She wrapped her arms around herself, squeezing her eyes shut tight, imagining red relationships: tender and soft, lips instead of teeth, fingertips instead of claws. In her deepest, most private fantasy, it was Roxy holding her, kissing the top of her bald head, tracing the swirls on her cheeks, telling her that she was beautiful and worthwhile, and that everything, everything was going to be okay, because she was there. Because a good moirail never lets their partner down.  
  
Her computer pinged, pulling her out of her thoughts.  
  
\--timaeusTestified [TT] is no longer busy!--  
TT: Done.  
  
He didn’t say anything more. She glanced at the video window. His face was impassive as always. She suspected he was toying with her emotions for the sake of “irony”.  
  
UU: well?  
  
She glanced at the fic she had sent. Perhaps he needed assistance in finding something to comment on?  
  
UU: i was really hoping to get some feedback in relation to the dialogUe, if yoU woUldn't mind...  
  
That seemed a reasonable request, didn’t it? But what if he was simply too shocked for words? What if his impassive face belied a deep chasm of horror brought upon by her dreadful attempts at fiction?  
  
UU: oh goodness. i do hope i haven't offended yoU... my sincerest apologies if i did... u_u;  
TT: Oh no.  
TT: Not at all.  
TT: I’m just silently revelling in the glory of your yaoi empire.  
TT: For an alien girl who claims minimal understanding of the realm of human doings, you’ve definitely got a decent understanding on the workings of man on man bump and grind.  
UU: oh my, thank you, dirk! ^u^  
UU: i do try my best!  
TT: And the bit about bringing Jade into it? Kinky. I approve of exhibition and voyeurism. And threesomes. MMF ones particularly.  
UU: hm, yes, i have to agree. there's jUst something aboUt more than two participants that’s jUst...  
UU: oh my, if yoU coUld see my face right now... u////u  
TT: Nothing wrong with that. We’ve all got our turn-ons. No shame in talking about them. Or writing about them, in this case.  
TT: This is definitely not bad for a WIP. Little heavy on the purple prose, especially in the dialogue. But I get that Jake’s tricky to write, what with his charming old-world shtick and goofy euphemisms.   
TT: But a little polishing here and there? We could make this baby shine.   
TT: Though I suppose now I’m being cut off, right? After all, you did only say I could have one.  
UU: ah, well...   
UU: since yoU did enjoy it, i sUppose it woUldn’t hUrt to let yoU read another one or two... :u  
TT: Excellent. I guess it would be selfish of me to request more DirkJake?  
UU: oh no, not at all! ^u^ i Understand that we all have oUr otps, as yoU pUt it!  
UU: i coUld send yoU nUmbers 43 throUgh 134, if yoU wanted.  
UU: maybe, if yoU have the time, of coUrse, you coUld tell me what yoU think of them?  
TT: This looks like the start of a beautiful beta.   
UU: ^u^ !


End file.
